Perfectionism, wanting everything to match my vision perfectly has led to a big mess for me. It has led to nothing being done right, so nothing really being done. At the depths of my darkest hour, I was beating myself up for not having a magazine like existence. Why could I never hear that? I have felt like I need to have some standard to measure myself by. Otherwise, how do I know how well I am doing or if I am doing the right things? But it becomes looking at the painting while it’s being done and becoming angry because one can’t see the finished product yet and damning the artist to hell for it. Magazine pictures take a lot of setting up and grooming and primping by teams of special people and have nothing in common with homes full of busy children. Oh to be a work of Art.
The thing is, not to examine the kindergartener to see if he’s ready for college and for all the moral challenges of the big world. Especially not every day. The thing is, to live today, right now in the moment and to be grateful to God for each one.
My son was doing fine when I freakedout and threw him into school. I was not. I was a mess and needed a break. It had actually very little to do with schooling and very much to do with me needing time. How to get that and homeschool too is the question. A mom is alone. She has no special team, and she needs one. Especially when there are four little angels underfoot.